Before I Kill
by avissos
Summary: One-shot HG/SB.Not proper for young readers. The final battle and why someone killed. Fixed Please Read!Finally errors are less...


This story is now was a way to bad to it has come to my notice that the text is mis displayed .The documents on my account

are fine but when they are posted several words or even lines are missingIf anyone knows why or how to prevent that

please do let me story got 197+ hits and there are only tree reviews.

Anyway Hope you enjoy.

song:10th man down by NIGHTWISH

warnings:angst,murder,dark,character deaths

One point of view fic

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**Before I Kill**

**--**

_**"Today I killed ,he was just a boy;**_

_**eight before him I knew them all"**_

My eyes hurt.I can't open them and I don't want...This smell.....The smell of wood burning ,the smell of blood ...both mixed .It fills my nostrils but I refuse to open my eyes.

This sound...The sound of humans cry,the sound of rocks falling down,the sound of glass crashing...It drives me insane.

I prey for all this to be a dream ,a nightmare.I prey my husband would wake me up.

But I know...I know everything is real .The sense of smell and hearing tells me so.

Slowly I open my eyes.I'm still standing...

_I was standing in the entrance of Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry.A whole year had passed and now the students were boarding on the Hogwart's express oncemore._

_'Dark times drawing near' the hat had said in the beginning of the term , Now I could realize what it ment .We were in the middle of June, yet instead of a bright sun ,dark clouds marked the sky._

_We haven't heared of Voldemort for almost a year._

_'The calm before the storm 'Doumblendore had once said and to be honest it seemed so._

_I waited patiently, by the iron door for an order member to arrive.I didn't know who it would be ,but Albus told me that he would be a trusted member and that we were to set off to a mission at the past year the only thing I did to contribute to the order was reopening DA's at school, as club for the kids to practise, what I taught them and along with Sirius we were the ones to train the new members of the Order more properly for the missions they would someday be send to . I had many things already and should not ask for more .But no matter if the way I was helping was important or not , I needed action._

_Upon graduation, Albus offered me the position of Defence against the Dark Arts, saying that no problem would ensue given the fact that I'm considered to be the brightest witch of my age .Ofcourse the position would have been given to Harry, if he had not decided on Auror training along with Ron, and I would have been offered the potition of a potions mistress._

_In that year many changes on the staff had taken place._

_In one of the last attacks in Diagon Alley, past summer ,we suffered some grate loses .Hagrid was among those whom took over his position in Care of Magical Creatures, which was now Magical Creatures.A subject not about how to take care of them, but on how to prevent them from hurting you._

_Professor Flitwik was an other lose a week after Hagrid ,in the last attack that took place in Hogsmead , with him professor Sprout fell as well._

_Mad eye took over the Herbology, which hadn't change much while Bill Weasley took over the charms classroom._

_Professor Grey, a woman that taught muggle studies , was found to be a Deatheater and she was kicked out so Arthur Weasley took over the job._

_Given the fact that now all of the teachers were members of the order, the death-eaters kept their children away from school,So this year no Slytherin table existed._

_Severous Snape was one more missing from the years staff thought that he was a spy for him and that Albus had found out .That gave him the opportunity to be near Voldemort at all hours earning helpful information for our Sirius who had being freed that summer of all charges took his place as potion master._

_I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder and snapped out of my thoughts_

_"So we work together padfoot"?I smiled to the man who was next to me. His hair had gotten long and they were worn on a low ponytail, making him look a hell of a handsome man; his white skin and almost black eyes,... it wasn't a wonder that all the female students eyed him._

_"Aren't you happy to see me love"?He said and let a little chckle at me for getting pissed .Yes, I got pissed, because of the way he always added that little 'love' thing when he was addressed to me, even in front of the students.I think, I was angered because when he said that butterflies would fly on my stomach.I guess I had that little thing for him..._

_In that year we had come to get to know each other and became friends.I know that if I was a guy it would have been as if I was James or Remus; a think I never believed in the past could happen._

_For a moment, I thought of teasing him but decided against it soon after the thought crossed my mind._

_"You know Sirius, I actually love to see that you are the one I'm to work with"It was an honest answer .He did not replied but he only grabbed my hand and begun to walk..._

Someone is walking towards us .I am standing by the Grand entrance ,next to Minerva who sends a bright red spell to Dolohov who's a few feet afar.

I rise my own wand only to see that the person whom I saw earlier was none other than a face I have come to dispise .She was calm as she extended her wand ,a smile carved on her lips.

As she walked ,closing the distance between us I saw the glimpse in her evil spark I always new she possessed.

Her fiery red hair sweaing in the small gust of wind...

_It was in that mission ,that true alliances were discovered .We had been told to use polijuice potion and personality charms so as to go unnoticeable to the train camp of the death be told ,we knew the elder Death eaters but we had no clue on who the new ones might be._

_So we stuck to the plan.I was to be Eleonore McCoal; a recently off age witch from Scotland ,who as pure blood had taken lessons at home and learned about _

_"The Dark Lord ",as I was told to refer to him during the mission,While Sirius was to be Acturus Lekore, my pure-blood fiance' from France, whose story was pretty much the same with mine ;save the fact that my father was killed while I was in the age of fifteen by order members who hunted him down after he tried to kill Albus._

_That little detail, made me become the favourite 'soon-to-be-deatheater' by the older ones._

_Bellatrix ,who was assigned as my tutor to the dark arts ,loved me and praised my work..._

_After five long weeks of private 'tutoring', me and Sirius were allowed to join the other 'rookies'._

_What we found shocked us beyond words , among those who were trained to become dark puppets of a fool Lord ,was none other than..._

_**"In the fields a dying oath**_

_**I'd kill them all to save my own"**_

_"_Ginny" I spit her name as she raises her wand ,ready to send a curse at Minerva who with a dodge avoids the green spell Dolohov had sent her way and hit him with her own.

"Shut it up Mudblood ,you are next"She laughs as she begins to utter the curse.

Without hesitation ,I rise mine and speak those words for second time in my very same words ,I had vowed never to use again

"Avada Kedavra"A green burst of light escapes from my wand and finds rest between the red head's chest .Her eyes widens as her body becomes limb and fall to the ground.

Minerva ,horrified at first is shooking her head in disbelief, but now she thanks me.'God...'! that woman was and is like a mother to me.

_**"Cut me free,bleed with me **_

_**Oh NO, one by one we will fall**_

_**down,down"**_

_"It was a month after the encounter with Ginny ,in the lair of the death-eaters.I was staying at Grimauld place , and in that particular moment I was sitting on a scarlet comfy chair ,next to the window while waiting for Sirius to return. My mind drifted away._

_'I would never forget the pain I saw in Molly's eyes when she found out about her daughter's betrayal,or the anger on Fred's eyes' I told myself._

_The day George was found dead in his apartment, Ginny was supposed to stay with him ,to help him with some things that needed to be carried to the store. Fred had followed Tonks and Bill in an order he returned he found the limb body of his twin lying dead on the living room and Ginny nowhere dark mark was looming above the corpse making him thorough search Ginny's body was not found, but the traces of two killing courses were spotted ,everyone believed she was dead and her body had been taken by her murderers to torture further the Albus ,told them that after researching on the wand records ,he had found out that she was the murderer of her own brother._

_'A Kinslayer' I had came to think .Of course that happened after the information me and Sirius brought back to the order._

_I didn't hear the front door open and close.I zoomed out of my world ,only when the daily prophet flew across from my head and fell to the table next to where I was._

_"Anything new"?I asked .Afraid to hear what was to come.I took in his expression ,I knew that something had happened._

_"Olivander's gone missing along with Agatha Longbottom and Mrs parvati tweens as seems, that some rookies got promoted to death eaters and they''he pointed to the three faces on the front page of the daily prophet,_

_"Were the gifts on the welcoming ceremony"_

_He let himself fall to the couch and stretched his body letting his gaze fly all over my I noticed ,I blushed and got up walking to the door conneting the leaving room to the kitchen , but a hand grasped my wrist as I passed in front of Sirius._

_"You like me don't you"?He asked out of the blue, half laughing but with seriousness hidden under his easy tone._

_I tried my best to free myself but to no avail ;I gave up and looked at him as he spoke again._

_"Come on love, tell me I'm wrong"He said ,not taking his eyes from my own._

_"Sirius you have gone mental that 's all I have to say..."I pointed out and with a swift movement, I freed my self and headed to my destination, mumbling something about coffee and crazed dogs._

_**"Pull the plug ,end the pain,**_

_**Run and fight for life hold on tight **_

_**this ain't my fight"**_

His voice speaks. saying we have an hour, both sides, to collect the bodies before the battle would begin once again.

Everything stops as both sides try to collect their dead .The Death eaters have lost, most of the new ones; one or two alive still,along with some older ones who had been taken down battling to be be puppets of that crazy eyes scan through the crowd.I don't care for the wounded who are helped by order members to the castle.I don't care about the dead either death-eaters or order members as I step accidentally on them.I don't care about who cries for whom .I care for him ,the one that I can't seem to find.

"Mione"! A husky voice calls from behind me. I turn and I see his eyes .I run to his arms and let tears of worry fall from my eyes as he wraps his arms around me, leading me back to the order members are repairing the damages of the building and putting shielding spells and charms around the aancient place once where people were passing us byin quick motion. People who fought for our side,and now helping all those who needed help ;either a wounded or someone who mourned after someone they loved and lost.I let my eyes fly to the bodies that lay on the floor.I recognized most of them.I knew most of those eyes ,which from now on would remain glazed.

Percy,Andromenda,Aberforth,Hana Abbott,Cho Chang,brothers Creeve,Professor Sinistra and Vector,Angelina,Angelica Jonshon,Oliver Wood,Mr Flourish,Fleur,Mad-eye and the list goes on I pass rows of bodies ,able to name everyone and able to find a memory with all of those that in a slip of a scond passed from breathing,leaving human beings to the dearest is still there holding me and he pulles me closer when he notices a couple of tears staining my face.

"It will all end soon love; don't cry" he whispers.

_I was bend above the counter ,in the kitchen stirring my coffee.'why would he ask such a thing'?_

_Suddenly ,I noticed that I had grown two extra hands._

_'wait a minute'! I told myself._

_'These hands are not mine.'! I tried to turn around ,but a body was pressed hard against mine ,trapping me between him and the counter._

_His hands came up and wrapped around my belly ,causing his body to press even harder on scent came to to my nose...Chocolate and mint._

_"Tell me I'm wrong love...''He whispered to my ear, making my eyelids drop, shutting the view; while goosebumbs begun to run my back._

_"Tell me you don't like me..."He planted a kiss on my neck._

_"Tell me that right now ,you don't want me to shag you right here..."He breathed, before nibbling hard on my neck._

_"Tell me you don't want me as I do for so much time and I will stop..."His hands caressed my shoulder down my side and back again , before he kissed the spot between my arms._

_"Tell me..."he whispered with that voice, so low voice...So husky..._

_"Bloody hell you Maurader shut up and take me"!Was the only reply I gave to him._

_And he turned me around and placed me on the counter spending my legs apart and positioning himself between wrapped themselves around his waist, he pressed his hardening member against my inner thighs and kissed me passionately .Not begging for entrance in my mouth, but granted it by himself._

_None of us remembered or could tell what happened before our clothes were either ripped to shreds or discarded and thrown to the floor._

_"Why not telling me sooner love"? He asked, while he thrusted himself hard in me._

_"Oh,love so fuck,so nice ,so right,so tight,so perfect"He spoke, in between the growls that escaped his throat to mix with my loud moans_

_"So nice love"I bit his shoulder blade and scratched his back with my nails._

_Raw passion in every move._

_"Come for me love"he said and I did ,while he reached his peek at the same time._

_"You silly, I loved you for so long ,I longed for you for so long and I knew you did too...Why didn't tell me anything"?He asked after his last thrust, while playing with my nose._

_I rolled my eyes, causing him to laugh._

_After a moment ,he stopped and locked his eyes with mine_

_"I love you."He said_

_"I love you too."_

_**"Deliver me from this war it's not for me **_

_**it's because of you**_

_**devil's instant my eternity **_

_**obey to kill to save your self."**_

Flashes of green and red fly everywhere .Once again death-eaters tried to access the castle , but failed so far.

I run through the seventh floor to the owlry .I stumble on broken glass and damaged send spells through the damaged window .

I raise my wand and repair both, the window and the gargoyle and put strong shields to the glass.I stand there, in some kind of daze,looking the curses rebound on my shields.

I begin to run ,as I remember what I was send up here for.

I close the wide open door of the owelry and lock them with the strongest of the charms and spells I know.

Running back down ,I find the Grey Lady standing above the body of Xenophilious Lovegood .If she wasn't dead I would have

swear she was crying.I advanced to her with three long strides.

"Grey Lady ,go watch the door that leads to the owelry ,If anyone comes through it, let Minerva,Me,Sirius,Remus or Arthur know".

I begin to run again as the ghost nods.

_"Love ,will you merry me"?He quietly asked, as he stroked my hair .We were lying on his bed. He was spread while I had my leg wrapped around his own and my one arm resting on his head resting on the crook of his arm.I was exhausted after an amazing ride of the two of us ,that lasted for the past five hours._

_'God damn it'! this man could work miracles with his tounqe and hands, as well as with his ...hmhmhm...I mentally interupt myself from the thnking, knowing that if I didn't stop, we would be heading soon to the seventh round .What he said took me by surprise._

_I lifted my head so as to see the joking sparkle in his eye and I have to admit that I was taken aback by the fact that there was hand that caressed my hair not long ago, had been pulled back and searched for something under my pillow before comming back in front of me, I noticed that it held a small black velvet jewelry slid his other hand _

_off of me and pulled the lid open revealing the most elegant and beautiful ring I had ever was silver with a black heart shaped diamond in the center with tribal art decorating the silver band.I realized that I had yet to answer him..._

_"Oh yes babe, what better to do rather than spent the rest of my years shagging like bunnies with an old shaggy dog...?"_

_I laughed at his worried my answer reached him he let a breath out, placed the ring on my hand ,I couldn't help the curiosity that took the better of me as he slid it on my finger I saw something engraved.I took the ring off and explore the markings on the inside of the band in the dim candlelight._

_'With you, my heart shall never be black S.B.-H.B.'It read._

_**"I envy the 9 lives that gave me hell**_

_**my path made up by their torn bodies**_

_**man to man soldier to soldier**_

_**call me a coward but I can't take it**_

_**anymore"**_

_Two weeks after the proposal, the wedding took place on the backyard of the Burrow .Our friends and Order members were there to congratulate us._

_ten days after, I found out I was pregnet...Everything moved so fast... as if we were trying to catch up and make up for the lost time as long as we still could._

_And there I was, a year after ,holding two infants in my arms.A beautiful girl and a handsome names ,Aria Orora and James Regulus Black._

_Aria had black hair and brown eyes ,while James was a spit image of his father in all but his spent much time with his children and was very proud of them._

_Aria was sure to have inherited my brains given the fact that in the third month of her life, had called me ma and Sirius pap. The later, was so amused that as soon as his daughter did so ,he grabbed her and flooed to the burrow where the Weasleys and Harry were woken up by his screams ._

_"Wake up everyone ,she called me pap!"He grinned as he kissed every Weasley and double kissed Harry. The same luck had Bill and Fleur, who were woken ten minutes later and the whole Hogwarts stuff .With the help of peeves, he emerged to every-ones bedroom screaming at the top of his lugs._

_"What happened Sirius my boy in 3:43 in the morning and you act like voldemord fell"?Mad eye asked._

_"She called me pap"!he grinned._

_After an hour, he returned home ,by using Albuse's floo network ,only to find sofas and armchairs upside down and one of the babies crib in pieces ,He moved cautiously with his wand in his hand and his baby girl on his other. Everything was a mess... carpets out of place,book-selves down,tables broken ,curtains ripped to paused for a minute and send his patronous (a dog) to Albus and to the Burrow. He moved to his bedroom ;he found his wife sitting in the floor holding the lifeless body of James in her arms .Next to her was the dead, as well, body of Nymphadora Tonks._

_"She killed my baby"I cried clutching my kid's little body to my chest._

_"When you left, I heard the bedroom door slamming shut and I walked up here to see what was going on.I saw her here Sirius ...she stood there...She had just killed my boy...I rose my wand...and...i...i Just killed her."She was sobbing harder on the arms of her husband, who now had gathered her in his arms leaving their daughter on their bed playing with a toy wand._

_"Sssshshshsh babe ...we gonna have an other ..."He tried to calm her, tears escaping his eyes as he wanted to rip Tonk's already dead body apart._

_It was after long minutes ,that he realized that now crowd was stacked outside their bedroom ,with tears in their eyes._

_"I'm so sorry Mione..."Molly exclaimed, through a filled hearted was well known that those babies had as grandparents Molly and Arthur and Albus with Minerva .Maybe not biological grandparents, but the love they received from them was more if even not more than equal. The kid's godparents cried as well, giving their condolescens to the parents .Harry had god-fathered James while Aria had Remus._

_Albus ,with silent tears in his eyes, proceeded to the young woman's body that laid limp on the floor...After a while, he took her arm and raised it in a way that everyone could see a tattoo in her forearm, a snake coming out of a skull._

_"Stupid girl,became Death eater"He exclaimed._

The day draws to an end, as does the war.I can feel it...We can smell it...So many lives gone ...,wasted away for what?Evil never triumphs they say...

We are once again in the field out of the castle.A loud bang and an inhuman hiss brings me back to world again."Its over"! Molly places her hand on my shoulder .She gives me a half hearted smile. She can't bring herself to say we won.I understand .I can't either ...No one can truly say Whomever does , is a fool.

Who won?Magical blood from both sides was spilled ,Pureblood,halfbood,mudnlood all merged together in the and kids were crying as equals, no matter in which side they fought.

I pass the bodies of Minerva and Arthur .It seemed as the one covered the other in a duel that most probably got out of hand Th Clois twin girls feet away.I recognized death-eaters ,lying among them separating my beloved dead...I noticed Molly who helped a badly injured Ron up, only to watch him fall back down, succumbing to his wounds.

Suddenly ,I feel my bodystop dead in it's is as if time in front of me lies the body of My friend ,of my partner,of my love, of my husband ...almost covered by the body of Greyback .A few feet away ,his cousin Bella, whom he swore would kill with his own hands .A thing that he most probably did.I can feel Tears dripping down my eyes, blurring my vision, as I walk to him.I stumble on something and fall,I crawl to him pushing the bloody body of the werewolf off of him and gather him in my arms.

Someone screams: "We won"! in the background.I know it's the minister. I know his voice well... range flows through me as I spot the man a few yards away.I get up and walk to stops to congratulate and cheer us.I pause him with my hand.

"The order and the ordinary people won a fight, but not the war Scrimgeour; while you chickened under your desk in the ministry"

He tries to speak, but he is greeted with my one does make a move to stop me ,they just stand and watch too tired to add more to my sayings, but nodding their heads in agreement.

"Before ...I let you walk...Hear one one really won...See the thing Voldemord dreaded happened ,mudblood and pureb lood is merged,No matter if it is on the ground.

None of us can say we won. Good triumphed over evil, but Death feasted on those whom we loved...That's a huge price to you lost Scrimgeour in this war and you speak of a victory?...None...Molly lost her husband , buried a child and now has to barry other two and a husband. Nevil his only relative....Many lost lost many.

I lost everyone.I lost one of my best friends,I lost Minerva who was like a mother to me,I lost my friends and my relatives,I buried my infant child and have to barry my husband....But more than everything I lost my soul...I was forced thrice to kill..."!

Scrimgeour looked terrified ,as everyone looked at him through greeted teeth.

"I thought you only killed Tonks and that Ginny girl"He stated frightened.

"Before I kill you Scrimgeour and make you the third one, I want you to know that you are like Voldemort...No wait...He didn't fucked away in the battle.

You are worst. You won't be missed..." I said coldly, staring straight to his terrified eyes ,as the familiar blast of green left from the tip of my wand ,leaving him dead behind me , as I walk once again to my dead love.

_**"They wait for me far back home**_

_**they leave with eyes turned away**_

_**they were the first ones to see **_

_**they are the last one to bleed"**_

"Take a good care of Aria Remus and Harry" I whispered as I passed before them "Tell her we always loved her and will forever"

The two men preyed that they didn't hear what they did ,But they knew that no one out of the couple could stand a life without the other.

I let my self fall near my husband, I kiss his lips and take his hand .I notice that his wedding ring's heart is now black ,as mine is as well...Some tears fall down my eyes.

I beg for the forgiveness of my daughter.I hope that when she grows older and truth is being told to her, she will understand.I take a vial out of my robe ,containing a potion we brewed together on our wedding night ,known as bottled had make it just in case something happened to one of us and the pain of separation grew to be awful for the other .I bring it to my lips and empty it, letting the vial fall down and crush to the ground.I cradle my self in his arms.I know that when I open my eyes again he would be there grinning at me...

...

And so he is, right next to him all those I've lost ...Ron,Minerva,Arthur,Mad eye,George,Ron,Flitwick,Hagrid all waving at me .Then I notice Lili and James .The red head woman ,carries a baby in her arms.I recognize him as the woman and me meet halfway.

"You took good care of my son Mione."! She says smilling warmly at me "I did the same for yours"!

She puts James Regulus back to my arms.

"He'll grow here as well"she tells me ,while she leads me to a round table that held various kinds of food.

"Until the age of twenty"She points next to Sirius who gets up and kisses me.

"Hi there love! Tell me you don't like the fact of sharing an eternity with me..."He jokes.

"More than anything Dear"

After a while, I lock my gaze on the empty chairs around the table.

James seems to notice and answers my unspoken question.

"They are for Harry,Albus,Molly,Aria and the rest of the lot. When their days are over, we will be waiting for them ,as we did for you''

'Before I killed ,I never knew a home somewhere else than my husbands heart; but now I truly known that Before I killed I had a home

in every of those people hearts.I killed for them...

Now I am finally home .In the one I will be forever with all those whom I felt for; waiting for the rest to arrive when they are too tired to live more.

In a home that the redness in the heart of mine and Sirius rings will last forever...

What I never knew took only a small stride to find.

_**-The End-**_

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leave a review to tell me what you think of it

xxx


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